Full of Beans

2006-12-14T13:27:00.000-05:00

HER ROYAL PIE-NESS

circa 2005

2006-12-14T12:53:00.000-05:00

When my heart began to hurt.

When I got the call, I was expecting news about A’s test results. I thought that the pediatrician was confused when she left the message to contact her to discuss Maggie. After all, she only had the standard CBC test, not the test for thyroid and blood sugar that A was prescribed. I called with the confidence of assuming that everything was just fine and that Dr. B. just wanted to advise me that the tests were in and that I could stop stuffing my little bean with all the extra calories she could take.

It turns out she wasn’t confused. A’s test results weren’t back yet and that made her hopeful that there was nothing to be concerned about. You see, when the tests are normal, the lab doesn’t call her. They just fax a written report within two to three days. If there was something abnormal regarding the test results, she would have received a call. She did receive that call, for M’s results.

It appears that M has a low white blood cell count. Immediately Dr. B assured me that it was nothing to become alarmed about, but that she wanted to inform me that M would have to be tested again in two weeks and to provide me with information on how to deal with this situation.

Apparently, having a low white blood cell count usually means that you just have a harder time getting better when you are sick or you are more susceptible to catching an illness. There are other, more serious causes for this symptom, but at this point, there is no reason for me to discuss, or even think about something so devastating. Right now, we just have to follow some simple rules.

M should not be exposed to other sick people.

If M does become ill, we should notify the doctor immediately and monitor her behavior and symptoms.

If M develops a fever, we must report it to Dr. B immediately and, if she is unavailable, we must take M to the emergency room for treatment.

From the beginning of our conversation yesterday, I immediately began to tremble. My hands shook and my eyes welled up. My heart began to hurt. Is this what it is like? Is this how you find out that the things that you hold more precious in life than your own are completely out of your control? The feeling of helplessness consumed me immediately. That I can have no control and am at the mercy of forces outside of my own are concepts that I cannot comprehend. J says that I have a control issue. Is it an “issue” that I feel so vulnerable against things that can happen to my children, regardless of how hard I work to protect them?

Well meaning friends and family have assured me that everything is all right, that it is a fluke or that she is fine and it’s nothing to worry about. I would say the same thing to my friend or family member. But being on the receiving end, I wanted to shake them and say, “Don’t you remember what it’s like??” Not worrying is not an option.

M is the feistier of the two beans. She runs and climbs and laughs from her belly. She pokes at her calm sister and has a devilish twinkle in her eye. She already knows how to hide her misbehaving (her favorite spot is by the refrigerator). The girl’s got moxie. I have no doubt that this will probably be either a minor infection or mistaken lab results.

But that doesn’t stop the worry.

That doesn’t stop the feeling of helplessness, the anger that I can’t do anything to fix this problem. It doesn’t quiet my desperation to get to her as soon as possible to hold her so tight in my arms, as if that could make her white blood cell count miraculously increase. Last night, my eyes lingered on her a little longer, I pet her hair a little more and I held my breath at every cry or stumble. I wondered if my parents felt this way when we were little, and if they still feel as strongly today.

A couple of weeks ago, we heard the horrible news that an acquaintance of ours received a similar phone call, but with a much more shocking message. Their little girl is only eighteen months. It is a word that no parent should hear and I won’t begin to imagine what that family is going through.

So, if something like this causes me to worry a little more, pay a bit more attention or really appreciate each and every day that they are in my life, then maybe that call was a wake-up call.

I don’t think my heart will stop hurting until the day I die. It is a wound of parenthood.

2006-12-12T22:58:00.000-05:00

WINNER OF THE MOTHER OF THE WEEK AWARD: Not Momma Bean who, when invited to a cookie exchange by Amanda and her twins, failed to properly read her recipe, obtain all of the ingredients and resorted to whipping up a batch of tube-dough cookies* instead of from-scratch cookies, thoroughly embarrassing her Beans in front of their friends.

*They tasted damn good though!

2006-12-11T10:48:00.001-05:00

During the work week in the winter, I’m usually home for the rest of the day by 3:30 p.m. I go to work, I pick my Beans up, we come home. J doesn’t get home until around 8:00 p.m., so it’s just the three of us for the bulk of the evening. Sometimes, the girls will fall asleep in the car and I’ll gingerly maneuver them from their car seat to their cribs for a little afternoon siesta. Then, I’ll come downstairs, gaze longingly at the couch, festooned with soft pillows and warm blankets, and make my way, grudgingly, to the basement for laundry.

When they awake, it’s playtime. The dogs are fair game and we’ve got Christmas music blaring in the background. The Beans have dinner, I start dinner for me and J and we wait (im)patiently for J to come home. The minute he does, I’m quickly forgotten and continue finishing dinner while the three of them commence the act wherein the Beans pretend like they haven’t seen him in twenty-three years (which is, of course, impossible, as they are only 15 months old) and are all, “Daddy!” and “Hi!” and “Whoa!” and he pretends like he’s a slide and he lays on the floor and they climb all over him.

By Saturday morning, I’ve got a list this long of things that I couldn’t accomplish during the week and I give him a choice: either stay home with the Beans and let me run my errands, or be my chauffer and maybe I’ll feed you. He almost always picks the second of the two. He’s never been one of those guys who hates to go to the mall. He has his breaking point, but he has no problem tagging along and catching a bite to eat afterward. It’s much more fun now, because he can show off the girls or take them to the toy store and “Wow!” along with them. The errands generally continue on to Sunday and by Sunday afternoon, J is signaling defeat, waving his white flag in surrender and curling up in a ball on the floor while the Beans pummel him with Elmo books triumphantly. Every Sunday evening, when the girls are put to bed, he collapses on the couch and mutters something incoherent that translates to mean that we’ve successfully worn him out.

This happens every week. I get cabin fever. I think the girls do too. They have to go out. Even if it’s just for a drive. A change of scenery is necessary for our sanity. We are never home on weekends.

So, when J had to work this past Sunday, I had a list of places running through my head that I wanted to get to. We kissed him good-bye after breakfast and I went upstairs to get ready. Only, I saw a book that had been sitting on my nightstand, unread for weeks because I can’t keep my eyes open past 11:00 p.m. anymore. And then I saw the four baskets of clean laundry waiting to be put away or hung up. And then I heard the girls laughing uproariously downstairs about something or other.

When I went downstairs, I found them chasing each other with stolen Christmas tree ornaments. I sat on the couch for a few minutes, enjoying the little show. Before I knew it, it was time for their nap, and time for my chores. And when they awoke, I was knee deep in laundry, still in PJs and glasses. When J got home, he asked if we got anything done. I was happy to report that we watched Cinderella, built a fort, colored several masterpieces, made banana bread from scratch and dressed Maximus up in Cookie Monster socks. We had just changed out of our jammies a half hour before he walked through the door. Sometimes it’s nice to just stay at home.

2006-12-07T10:27:00.000-05:00

Since I’m without a camera, I thought I’d hit you all with a new old photo of A Squared.

After spending weeks in the hospital, I had accumulated a bunch of junk in my room that was piled into a box and shoved into a corner with several other boxes, as we had sold the condo while I was giving birth. In the whirlwind of recovering, adjusting, packing and moving, I never got around to going through my hospital box.

A couple of weeks ago, while we were getting the Christmas tree decorations out of the basement, I noticed the box marked “hospital” and began sifting through it. In it, I found my old camera (the one that requires FILM!) and promptly sent it out for development. Last night, when I looked at the photos, tears began streaming down my eyes.

At that time, we had no idea what we were in for. I was still high on morphine and too weary from the six week bedrest to savor the moments. They looked so fragile and small. We were strangers to each other. We didn’t know how to be parents and they were barely getting used to the world.

Anyway, the world premiere. A never before seen photo. More to come.

2006-12-06T12:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is a record THREE ENTRIES IN ONE DAY!!!! But I just had to, and I didn't want to wait for tomorrow. Plus, there aren't any rules with regard to how many times you post something on your blog is there? If there is, I don't know it, but then I don't know much blog ettiquete even two years after beginning.

Anyway, this is what's so great about J being a dad. He gets such a kick out of things. I love it. I love him.

From: S, J [mailto:js@hisjob.com]
Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2006 12:52 PM
To: Momma Bean
Subject: RE: this is the book i want

Forgot to tell you what happened this morning
The Beans were eating, The Wiggles came on television and HRP screamed for joy!
It was so funny
This next event shocked me
The Wiggles were on television and I was singing the ‘Wags the Dog” song while I was busy in the kitchen*
Out of no where I here “Wasss the Dug”
HRP said Wags the Dog**
I tried to get her to do it again but she wouldn’t
It was soooooo clear

*He was singing?!?!? I've never heard him sing before!!! And now he's singing a Wiggles song? A song I've never heard of? WTF?!?! Scratch that...every once in awhile, he'll sing, "You're my brown eyed girl." to me. Not the song, just that sentence.
**The girl just won't stop talking all of a sudden. And singing. I'm trying to compile a list of words, but she just keeps going!

2006-12-06T11:17:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by the Town Criers, so here is my response to the 2007 Meme:

In honour of 2007 quickly approaching--and since I suck at actually doing memes once I'm tagged, I've started my own. I'm not sure if this is kosher--if a regular person can start a meme or if there is a group of men and women tucked into a dark room somewhere creating these lists. So...um...I tread carefully, attempting to not offend the Memers with my offering.

I have created this meme which can be done in two different ways. Either you can do all seven categories and list two answers for every category (get it? It's 2007, so I'm playing on the two numbers: 2 and 7) OR you can choose two of the categories and list seven answers.

The categories:
Things you learned this year
People you met
Things you don't want to take with you into 2007
Things you want to hold close as you pass into 2007
Things you're looking forward to in 2007
Things that were life changing in 2006
Things you hope to accomplish by the end of 2007

(see--those are the seven categories. Now you can either give two answers for each category OR you can choose two from that list and give seven answers)

Things you learned this year
1. I learned how to make lasagna.
2. I learned what an omentum is, and it's not very pretty.

People you met
1. Everyone at my new office.
2. E's niece, Lauren, who is a doll.

Things you don't want to take with you into 2007
1. The 20 lbs. I'd love to lose.
2. My accounting habits.

Things you want to hold close as you pass into 2007
1. My newfound enjoyment of cooking.
2. The joy I feel when watching the Beans discover something new.

Things you're looking forward to in 2007
1. Watching J's action plan become a reality.
2. Visiting my sisters in their respective towns.

Things you hope to accomplish by the end of 2007
1. Lose 20 lbs.
2. Make a decision on our third little bean.

I hereby tag Peanut & Cashew's mommy, JN and Becki.

2006-12-06T10:24:00.000-05:00

MISSING: My Camera

LAST SEEN: In the Jeep, on the way to the Christmas Show on Saturday.
REWARD: Um....well, none, really, b/c it's a P.O.S. anyway.
WEARING: A 1G memory card. Okay, so I want that back. You can keep the camera.

Until I either (a) find my camera or (b) find another camera underneath my Christmas Tree*, I will be unable to post new photos of the Beans.

*J, this is in no way a veiled attempt to coax you into purchasing a camera for me for Christmas. However, should you feel the need to do so, please contact Stacy for suggestions on what to buy.

2006-12-05T12:39:00.000-05:00

Five Things that I Don’t Want to Pass On To My Beans.*

1. I steal pens. J and I have an unholy desire to find the right pen. We don’t agree on what the perfect pen is, mind you, but we agree that it is completely normal to drive to three different stores to find the right pen, if such a pen exists. We also agree that it is okay to “borrow” a pen, if the situation allows, from people, if it is the right pen, including but not limited to our waitress from last weekend. He’s a ball-pointer but I’m above those. My sister brings an extra of her favorites when she visits, because she knows that if she doesn’t, she’ll be leaving Michigan without hers. Just this morning, I arrived to work, went into my office and found that my favorite red pen went missing. I panicked and immediately assumed it was D, as he was clearly coveting it the other day when he borrowed it to scratch out some numbers. Lucky for him, I found it underneath a file.

2. ~~I am addicted to chocolate.~~ Never mind. Thanks to Grandpa M, this trait, that can be traced back to my grandfather, who made my father sneak chocolate into his hospital room, is alive and well in my girls. In fact, yesterday, when I arrived at my parents’ house to pick up the girls, I found their fingernails filled with Oreo crumbs and the scent of Frango Chocolate Mints on their breath. We just can’t break the cycle.

3. I’m blind. Is this genetic? I’m not sure, but I am. Not legally or anything, but I challenge anyone to be a passenger in my car at night to believe otherwise. My parents wear glasses, my sisters wear glasses, J wears glasses. It’s inevitable. But I don’t think anyone is nearly as bad as me. I scare myself at night. Everything is all starbursts and blurriness and quite disorienting. I get from point A to point B by starring intently at the vehicle in front of me or, in the alternative, driving precariously close to the white lines. I’ve confessed to J on several occasions that I do not trust myself driving the Beans around after nightfall. Probably not a good thing huh?

4. I cry when I’m angry. My sister has this affliction too and it can become quite embarrassing. It’s a sign of weakness and I just can’t control it. I’m not sad or succumbing or insecure in my argument, but I’m so filled with emotion when I’m angry that my eyes rebel and fill with tears at the most inappropriate time. How can I be taken seriously, if I’m crying at the drop of a hat?

5. I can’t cook. You know when someone asks you what talent you’d like to have if you could have any talent, or what superpower you’d want to have if you were a superhero? I don’t want to be a concert pianist, nor do I want to be able to read your mind. I’d just like to be able to make a great filet with aus jus and a side of whipped potatoes and rice pilaf. I’d like to look into my refrigerator, pluck out just the right ingredients and in thirty minutes or less fill my house with mouth watering scents. Hell, I’d love to feed my husband and kids something more than (a) macaroni and cheese; (b) spaghetti; (c) hamburgers; (d) chicken stir fry; or (e) taco bake. Last Friday, I made my first lasagna. It’s a step in the right direction, but still fell a bit flat.

*I could come up with list much longer and stranger than this, but I don’t want to scare you, dear reader, just yet. Maybe another entry, another day.

2006-12-05T08:09:00.000-05:00

FIFTEEN MONTHS

I hate doctor appointments. It's even worse when it's your children's doctor appointments. And, yes, Dr. B again brought up the idea that the girls must have gotten their father's metabolism. Here's why.

Maggie is now back up to the 5th percentile (from 3rd), at 18 lbs. 13 ½ oz. She gained almost two lbs. in three months, which is excellent! I was noticing her feeling a little heavier just the other day! She is just over the 25th percentile for height at 30 ½ inches (up from 28 ½ inches). And she is over the 50th percentile for head circumference!

Audrey, on the other hand, has only gained ½ lb. in 3 months. She is just barely at 17 lbs. (she has now dipped below the 3rd percentile) and 25th percentile for height at 29 ¼ inches (previously at 27 ¾ inches). Since she has been born, she has been steadily gaining 1 ½ lbs. every 3 months. Due to lack of growth this time around (and she was a little concerned last time and wanted to watch for a pattern), the doctor is concerned about a condition called “failure to thrive”. We're taking her in for bloodwork on Saturday to check for anemia, thyroid and blood sugar issues and have been instructed to feed, feed, feed. The thing is, this girl loves to eat! She eats all the time! She doesn't prefer meat, especially red meat, but she will eat it. Just not as much or with as much gusto as she does with carbs (just like Momma Bean). My dad thinks this is the green light for Oreos and M&Ms!!

Otherwise, the girls are very healthy and doing well. The pediatrician isn't concerned about Audrey not walking. She indicated that she would be concerned if she was 18 months old. Plus, Audrey has been practicing for the past week or so with one or two steps. Maggie is doing just fine and in fact the doctor was impressed with her language skills and said that her skills overall seem to be advanced for her age! The doctor will continue to monitor Audrey’s breathing and also stated that they still shouldn’t have nut products (including peanut butter) until they turn 3 years old.

My dad went with us and he was more traumatized than the girls! He can't stand to see them cry.

Any suggestions for healhty calorie dense foods are greatly appreciated!

2006-12-03T19:48:00.000-05:00

2006-12-01T10:09:00.000-05:00

I don't think there was any doubt with Mere that she was having another boy. I was secretly holding out hope that she'd have a girl, but I knew that she wanted a boy, had a boy's name picked out and was destined to have a football team's worth of boys. When she told me she was pregnant with her first child four years ago (and five weeks after her wedding), I bought her a pretty little pink girl's outfit. One year, after G#1 was born and we were staying in her guest room, I saw the little dress hanging in the closet. When she was pregnant with G#2, she knew he was a boy right away and just last week, I told her that I was sure that G#3 (yes, they all have names starting with the letter "G"), could still be a girl. G#1 overheard me and stated, very matter-of-factly, that the baby couldn't be a girl because he is a dinosaur and dinosaurs eat baby girls.

They were right. The doctor confirmed it yesterday. No lunch for the dinosaur.

When I changed the girls' diapers in front of her, Mere said that she wouldn't know what to do with a girl, if it was one. I replied that I wouldn't know what to do with a boy either. Knowing us, I could have told you ten years ago that we'd be where we are today. Me with my girls and her with her boys.

She's already talking about G#4, but she's not one of those that will keep trying to get her little girl. She has always wanted a big family. Of boys. Maybe she'll return the pink dress for my next girl.

2006-11-30T13:13:00.000-05:00

If you want to know how I feel about my Beans, go read Girl's Gone Child's homage to her little boy on his eighteen month birthday. It brought me to tears because I just know. I know. But I could never put it into just the right words.

Moms. I love them.

And, in case you didn't know, the Beans will be Fifteen Months Old next Friday. Cake anyone?

2006-11-29T19:12:00.000-05:00

The Pie's first attempt at photography.

2006-11-29T18:21:00.000-05:00

In keeping with past milestones, almost exactly two months to the day that HRP took her first steps, A Squared made her first attempt. She's up to two or three at a time before falling into a fit of giggles, but she's a determined little bean. She gets right back up and tries again. The problem is that she's too busy giggling to regain her composure and balance to continue. Plus, little Twinkle Toes is always at the tips of her toes while trying. That same day (Saturday), A finally mastered the art of food to spoon to mouth, and repeat. Go A!

2006-11-27T11:40:00.001-05:00

How five days off can seem like one day.

We visited my alma mater on Wednesday. Rather, my best friend and I sat in a condo on the outskirts of my alma mater for half the day, scolding/chasing/soothing our four children while intermittently catching up on events since our last chaotic get-together. And she’s going to bring another kid into the mix?!?! What happened to dinner and drinks?

Thanksgiving. Visiting with the in-laws. Allergic reaction emergency. Stopping at parents for medication and to put up half of their Christmas Tree. Visiting with the extended family. Thinking, why do we, on holidays, get the girls all dolled up, take the Beans to an unfamiliar home and subject them to [well-meaning] strangers who coo and fawn and beg to hold them when clearly it’s the last place they want to be? The end result of every family get-together is us carrying our limp and defeated little Beans up to their safe crib and then falling into a pile on the couch, wondering why we left the house in the first place.

Black Friday. Or rather, “Yeah, right Friday.” I don’t love anyone enough to stand in a line at Target that is wrapped around the perimeter of the store. Nor do I need that twenty dollars I would have saved had I waited three hours. The bonus was that I got to sneak out for a bagel and coffee while J manned the fort. Later that day, we braved the crowds for lunch with Gramma M and a little sale at the Baby Gap. Later that evening, after the Beans were in bed, J and I put up the tree. The Sixth Annual Christmas Decorating Extravaganza was likely the last one we’d spend alone for the next twenty or so years. We passed out on the couch watching Home Alone. A success!

On Saturday, Gramma M. had a little post-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Dinner for our wee little family, since we missed out on Gram’s Dressing (my paternal grandmother’s recipe – the grandmother that M is named after). We purchased half the lights available at Target and scoured the internets for instructions on how to hang outdoor Christmas lights. Yes, you read it correctly. Remember, this is a couple who refused to move into any home with such incentives as, “A cozy fixer-upper!” or “Just waiting for your personal touch!”

Sunday, bloody Sunday. Well, we put the lights up. In light of the fact that the event did not result in threats of divorce or more than one injury (and really, it is just a little bruise, who are we kidding?), I’d say that it was a success. And it was confirmed with a resounding “Wow!” by both Beans when we showed off our handiwork later that evening. After the lights but before the light show, we took the girls to Borders and B&N to grab a magazine (J), a book (M&A) and a coffee (MB). Let me just tell you, M may be the shyest of the two when it comes to relatives, but she was all “How’s Your Day?” when we were at the bookstore! She practiced her more graceful walking all over the store, befriended a little boy who was making a Christmas list and passed up a little whipped cream for the lady with the big red bag. As evening crept in and the Beans were in bed, I surveyed the house for signs that things were accomplished on my vacation. I concluded that it was a wonderful five days but wondered if I was being a little selfish if I lobbied for a sixth day off to rest.

2006-11-23T22:41:00.000-05:00

2006-11-23T22:39:00.000-05:00

2006-11-23T11:06:00.000-05:00

HRP likes her men caged.

2006-11-22T23:45:00.000-05:00

The One Where Bert and Ernie Made Me Cry.

It's the eve before the beginning of Christmas Season. We mark this celebration with a feast of turkey, dressing and pumpkin pie. Thanksgiving is just the meal the fuels me for the weeks to come. On Friday, we will put up the Christmas tree and cross our fingers that it doesn't come crashing to the floor once in the next several weeks. I've almost convinced myself that there won't be an incident, despite the fact that said tree will stir much curiosity amongst the Beans. I'll also begin Christmas shopping this weekend. I'll coax J into putting up Christmas lights. I pull out my favorite Christmas movies and put them on rotation for the next month. J is worried that I'll get worse now that the Beans are here. Last year I didn't have the time or the energy to dive into the season, as the girls were only three months old, I was just back to work and we had just moved into our home.

Yesterday, I caught A Sesame Street Christmas Carol with the Beans at my parents' house. I was preoccupied with the latest People Magazine, but A began chanting fervently when Rubber Ducky came on the television screen, "Duck! Duck! Duck!" I started watching with them.

It was the part where Bert and Ernie each think of the perfect gift to get their roommate. Bert decides to get a soap dish for Ernie to leave his beloved Rubber Ducky. Ernie is determined to get a cigar box where Bert can safely keep his prized paper clips. Both of them go to Mr. Hooper's to get the gifts, first Ernie, then Bert. Neither of them have any money, but they want to get just the right thing for the other, so both of them part with their most prized possession. Bert trades his paper clips for the soap dish and Ernie trades Rubber Ducky for the cigar box.

It is actually possible to see the range of emotions on their faces. Really! My eyes began to well up when they exchange gifts and realize what the other had sacrificed to bring joy to his friend. In the end, Mr. Hooper visits, bringing gifts for Bert and Ernie. You guessed it. He was so touched by their act of friendship and sacrifice that he brought them their things.

How sweet was that?! We could all learn something from the original AGD!

2006-11-20T13:12:00.000-05:00

A Conversation Between Mother and Daughter.

A Squared: This?

Momma Bean: That's Momma's shirt.

A Squared: This?

Momma Bean: That's Momma's necklace.

A Squared: This?

Momma Bean: That's Momma's body.

A Squared: This?

Momma Bean: That's Momma's chest.

A Squared: This!

Momma Bean: That's...erm...Momma's chest.

A Squared: THIS!

Momma Bean: That's Momma's cheh-esss-tah!

A Squared: THIS!

Momma Bean: Boobies! Alright!?!?!?!?!?!? Now, where's your Elmo book?

2006-11-20T09:06:00.000-05:00

One day, twenty years from now, one of these girls will have a blog entry about the stupid hat her mother made her wear.

2006-11-16T09:55:00.000-05:00

Well, the first illness has come and gone. Everyone chided me for bragging that my girls have never been sick before, but if this is what sick is, then bring it on! I told my sister-in-law the other day that when J caught M&A's cold, he was a bigger baby than they were. But, isn't that the case, with men?

The girls took it like a man! Hah! Sure, they were a little more subdued and were covered in boogers (as was I) and didn't eat as much as normal, but they still played, they still smiled, they still survived! One evening, A went to lay her little head down on the floor while watching Sesame Street and M grabbed her Cookie Monster and curled up next to her sister. They were both feeling it and needed the comfort. They were only laying there for a little bit and then, with renewed strength, they made their way into the kitchen to help me bake cookies (photos to follow).

Everyone in the house caught the cold, including yours truly, which I guess is karma if you believe in it, but I too feel like this is a pretty mild and manageable cold. We have had our first colds and we have stronger immune systems for it. So there!

2006-11-14T18:09:00.000-05:00

~~Grey's~~ Momma Bean's Anatomy

Here's what's in my heart.

2006-11-10T16:41:00.000-05:00

Testing out the new seats. It is an adjustment because we don't have the infant carriers to set the girls in while we free ourselves to get the other girl. J doesn't like it. At all. I don't mind it, but then I don't have to carry the girls into my parents' house at 7:30 every weekday morning. The girls like them, I think, because it allows them to look outside the windows and it gives them a lot more room. I L.O.V.E. the Britax and it was worth every minute of the wild goose chase to purchase them. Now I know what everyone raves about. If you are in the market for a car seat and haven't purchased one yet: GET A BRITAX.

ETA: The car seats in the photo are actually the Graco Comfort Sport, which are wonderful car seats in their own right. Here is the Britax Roundabout.

2006-11-09T07:50:00.000-05:00

2006-11-08T16:13:00.000-05:00

Runny nose
Sneezing
Cough
Lethargy
Loss of appetite
Trouble sleeping
Idiot mother who tempted the Fates last month by boasting that you and your sister haven't been sick since the day you were born.

Check, check, check, check check.

My bad.

2006-11-07T09:07:00.001-05:00

This morning I received an email from my cousin’s wife, who told me that she was getting her (Beautiful! It must run in the family!) girls’ Christmas photos taken soon. My first thought was, “Wait. It’s early November. Why so early?” And my second thought was, “Gaaaaaahhhhh!”

Brilliant!! Getting Christmas photos taken before December so that you’re not stuck in a crowd of annoying, sweaty, sticky children who are climbing on every piece of plastic furniture in the place and scratching you with their itchy ugly holiday gear? I told her that I’m stealing her idea and now am on a mission to find THE OUTFIT (x2) as soon as humanly possible. Please provide suggestions and links in the comment section below.

However, I must admit that there is a growing fear in me of having to endure yet another painful photo session with Little Miss Apprehensive. The One Year Photos still bring tears to my eyes, and not because they are so darling. A is a pro in front of a camera. She knows she’s a doll and wants you to know it too. But M. I was in every photo that Her Royal Pie-ness was in (thanks for the skinny legs comment S, xoxo) and it still wasn’t enough to help her to cooperate. Hell, I haven’t even sent those photos out because the place that I take them (we’ll call it Stears) holds your photos hostage for what seems like three years, rather than three weeks. So, those of you on the A-list, plan on getting your One Year photos about one to two weeks before you receive the Christmas photos.

Getting professional photos done of your children sucks. It’s the event I least look forward to in my children’s lives. However, I feel a strange sense of duty to have them taken on a quarterly basis. Who made this rule? Who thought that it would be in the best interest of the child to dress them up in uncomfortably stiff formal ware and pose them unnaturally in front of a variety of drab, unattractive curtains, sitting or leaning on tacky old props? And expect them to smile for a stranger behind a camera? And then have the parents shell out hundreds of dollars for sixty wallet-sized photos that they’ll send to every relative they didn’t know they had, only to have the recipient stuff the photo in their junk drawer behind the book of matches from a wedding that took place five years ago?

Gaaaaaahhhhh!

Of course I’m going to do it. I said it already, I feel obligated to do so. I don’t have baby scrapbooks (insert reader’s gasp) made, so this is the least that I can do for my girls. So, watch the mail. Thanks to Megan, I’ll hopefully get an early start. Keep your fingers crossed that M is cooperative.

2006-11-06T08:20:00.000-05:00

She walks.

Before, it was a step or two, here and there. It was a wobble, a tentative movement of one leg in front of the other, a pause, a collapse. Before, it was all nervousness and hesitance. Before, the praise and applause scared her to the ground and she would scramble, startled, on all fours into my lap.

Now, she follows me on two legs. She walks with purpose towards her goal. She chooses how to move. She climbs. Now she bends, picks up an object and brings it to me. She almost ran yesterday. She taunts us with her skill. Now I am the one who is scared!

2006-11-04T14:06:00.000-05:00

WINNER OF THE MOTHER OF THE WEEK AWARD: Not Momma Bean who, when getting the first whiffs of a smelly diaper, often looks at the clock and contemplates whether or not it is good parenting to let the bean sit in it until the husband gets home.

2006-11-03T21:55:00.000-05:00

I wear my sunglasses at night.

2006-11-03T18:40:00.000-05:00

Halloween sucks. So does my will power. Dr. Oz, please save me. My omentum is the size of a hobbit. Once you're done, Dr. Troy can work on the twin skin.

2006-11-02T10:02:00.000-05:00

53 hr. 36 min. Avail.

or

M.O.M. Consumer Tip #2

Pre-bean, anything below seventy-five hours available would have sent me into a tizzy. I mean, what if there were a seventy-five hour 24 marathon? What if F/X held a three day tribute to Julian McMahon’s hotness? Couldn’t chance it. I was so OCD about deleting shows from my DVR that I would do it during every commercial break, driving J nuts in the meantime.

Now, I’m thrilled that I have fifty-three hours plus. I feel like the Oprah of DVR hours, willing and able to throw my leftover hours to the little people who need them more than I do. Once, earlier in the year, I was down to twenty-three hours. I had been saving all of the Grey’s episodes, as well as every Passport to Europe with Samantha Brown and Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee. I was frantic. Granted, the last time I was in Europe, I was five and the only things I ever made from a Sandra Lee recipe were the cheesecake pops I made for Mr. & Mrs. C last holiday season. But I still needed to have them and I will watch them eventually.

It’s hard to watch anything nowadays. I tell people that I get my news from Best Week Ever or the weekend edition of the Freep. What election? Who’s even running? When the girls and I are home during the day, we watch Sesame Street or a Noggin show. That’s where a quarter of my used hours go. You never know when an emergency happens and you need to queue up last week’s Sesame to narrowly avert a complete meltdown. If we’re not watching the kiddie shows, we’ve got my favorite Sirius Satellite stations on and HRP is (im)patiently teaching me a bit about rhythm. It’s either “The 90’s and Now” or “80’s Hits”.

So, now, we’re very stingy with our time. When someone recommends a good show, I’ll smile and nod and quickly put it out of my mind. No room for that. Our television viewing begins at approximately 8:45 p.m. and ends at 11:00 p.m. every weeknight. With the exception of Mondays, when I host a chat for M.O.M.s and Thursdays, when J watches a horribly violent UFC show that I refuse to see, we generally enjoy the same shows. The weekends are a gamble and we are lucky if we can catch the whole Lions game. We’re always playing catch-up. Right now, we’re catching up on Prison Break. We’re in the third episode of the second season. As soon as we’re done with the episode, delete.

Honestly, I don’t know what we ever did without the DVR. If you don’t have one, get one.

2006-11-01T10:16:00.000-05:00

Since Becki is going to do it, I figured I'd step up to the challege too, so I'm kicking off NaBloPoMo with this announcement:

COMING SOON!!!!!

A New! And Improved!

Full of Beans Blog!

Date to be determined...location to be determined.

Stay tuned!

2006-10-31T21:55:00.000-05:00

Halloween Part Deux

As I predicted, the girls were not having it. They were cranky from the time I put them into their costumes until I finally released them from the wretched things. When we got home from G&G's house, I put them in their costumes and commenced the punkin carving. There was an unsuccessful attempt at an Elmo and a success with the bats (for Jack). Because of their sour moods, I decided against taking them around the neighborhood and that they would just have to be satisfied with the grandparents bringing them treats.

Since it was our first year in the house during Halloween, I was unsure of the turnout in the neighborhood. I wasn't surprised though to notice that there were barely any children out trick-or-treating and the children that were out were of the teenaged variety. The plus is that we did get to meet our neighbor Kelly and her adorable little 16 month old Natalie, who was a ladybug. After they left, J looked at me and asked, "Are the girls going to be walking like that in two months??" He had fear in his eyes. So, anyway, where are all the children? Do they go to parties? Are they at the mall? Was my candy not good enough??

The highlight of the night was the sweet (or weird? you decide...) dad dressed up, tights included, as Superman, and escorting his little girl and son around the block. He came in a near second to Natalie's snazzy tulle.

M&A are glad this holiday is over and hope you enjoy their misery.

2006-10-31T07:52:00.000-05:00

I am a sucker for celebrity gossip, just like everyone else. My mom has a subscription to People and Star Magazine and I gobble them up with gusto every Friday afternoon, when I'm supposed to be greeting my Beans after being away from them for a few hours. So, you can imagine my dismay when I discovered that one of my favorite actresses has split from her husband! Not shocking at all, as Mom's rags have been accurately reporting a rift for months now, but it's still sad to see another marriage biting the dust. Are us happily marrieds in the minority or what??

So, in honor of this sad day, I quote: It's like my mom says, "The weak are always trying to sabatoge the strong."

2006-10-30T20:58:00.000-05:00

Since I picked the girls up at 2:30 p.m., we've gotten a lot done. We went to the Secretary of State to get my license plate tags (one month late!) and then shopping at our second favorite store, Costco. We made and ate a delicious dinner. We read several books. We watched Sesame Street and The Wonder Pets. We folded three baskets of laundry (and unfolded one). We did the dishes, put the toys away and got ready for bed. Our house is cleaner than it's been since...well since right before the first guests came over for the girls' birthday party. Now they are sleeping and I'm relaxing to the tunes of Sirius 80's Hits, sipping on a Diet Coke and savoring my one serving of Dove Dark Chocolate. Girls' Night was fun and productive.

2006-10-28T08:55:00.000-04:00

Last month I mentioned something about shopping being an addiction in this family. Well, apparently it doesn't skip a generation.

We received the Fisher Price Holiday 2006 Catalog with Miss M's gift and hit the motherload. I spent the better part of an hour answering the questions, "This?" and "That?" (How did they pick that up anyway?) And joined in on several exclamations of "Wow!"

So, erm, anyway...suffice it to say that the Beans' Wishlist has been updated. And the Christmas shopping has begun.

2006-10-26T09:41:00.000-04:00

Couch Potatoes

2006-10-25T12:29:00.000-04:00

I don’t know where or how it began…I think it was an episode of “Friends”, but we all have them, don’t we? I really don’t have a Top Five. Mine is more like a Top Four, but with stipulations. I’ve recently added Eddie Cibrian because I could actually place a name with the face. The top spot goes to Jake. The following three are interchangeable and include Matthew McConaughey, Julian McMahon and Eddie Cibrian. Ben Affleck is thrown in there occasionally, when he’s not all jowly and big.

For those of you who don’t know, a Top Five list is a list of celebrities that you get a free pass with. I think Chandler called it the “Freebies”. Your spouse or significant other cannot get angry or hold it against you if someone from your list happens to be in town and happens to want to youknowwhat you.

A friend of ours has “The Victoria’s Secret Models” as the first person on his Top Five list. I’ve unsuccessfully argued that you can’t include a group of people as one spot on your list, but he won’t budge. J’s Top Five is always pretty much the same: Salma Hayek, Kelly Brook (who?), Jessica Alba, Kate Beckinsale and Ziyi Zhang. He has a thing for brunettes, as you can see.

But it’s different now. Now when we talk about it and I imagine that that unimaginable happens, I don’t get the luxury of daydreaming about “What if?”

Picture it:

MB [yelling at the door, whilst tossing laundry down the basement stairs, pulling her hair out of a ponytail and wiping the yogurt/animal cracker crumbs/boogers off her ‘comfy clothes’]: Who is it? I’ll be right there!

[insert annoyingly insane barking Shih Tzus and crying M]

Jake: “It’s me, Jake Gyllenhaal. The one with the dreamy eyes and kissable lips. I’m in town and thought I’d stop by for a quick youknowwhat.”

MB [climbing over ottoman, which is blocking Beans from exiting the great room, crying M clinging frantically to yoga pants]: “Hold on, Jake! I’ll be right there!”

[MB opens door]

Jake [shuddering at the sight of boogers/frizzy hair/yapping dogs/crying Bean]: “Oh…um. I can see that you are…busy. I’ll stop by next time I’m in town.”

Or this:

Jake [after youknowwhat-ing]: “That was just great. I’m so glad that I happened to be in your town and on your Top Five List.”

[insert bleating baby monitor]

MB [brushing perfectly tousled hair out of eyes]: “Oh. That’s the girls. It’s time to get up and have waffles. Would you like some waffles?”

Jake: “Meh.”

MB: “Well, that’s what we do. We have waffles and watch Sesame Street and read books. Get up already.”

See. My life is no longer conducive to the Top Five List. I’ve even tried imagining bumping into said celebrities on vacation and can only think of whether or not the hotel childcare is clean enough and free of child predators for me to even think of leaving my girls with them. Can’t do it. J doesn’t have this sort of problem. He has no problem figuring out what he’ll do if by some chance Salma Hayek gets his cell number. Momma Bean who?? I guess it’s a guy thing.

So Jake. Next time you are in the mitten…thanks, but no thanks. This Momma comes with Beans.

2006-10-24T09:01:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I put M, A and J up on the My Heritage Face Recognition site too. J and Eddie Cibrian? Mmmm!!! And who the heck is Michael Owen?? Hot! I've heard Ben Affleck and JC Chazez before, but these are new! Me likey!

M:

A:

2006-10-24T08:18:00.001-04:00

http://www.myheritage.com

I was hoping Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Alba or Salma Hayek. Meh. And Naomi Watts? I just don't get it.

2006-10-23T10:20:00.000-04:00

I’m not one of those who hovers over her children, who expects the worst, who anticipates disaster. M wielded a stick the other day and I told her that she’s got a good swing. A popped a foreign object in her mouth and I advised her that it’d be arriving in her diaper promptly at 7:48 p.m. that evening, conveniently early enough that her father wouldn’t have to deal with the mess. If a sick aunt kisses them, I don’t immediately disinfect. In fact, I’m almost hopeful that I’ll hear a sniffle or two the next day.

I know, I know. I should be knocking on the nearest wood, I should be biting my tongue. But I’m not. Kids get sick, right? Mine don’t, but normal kids do! In almost fourteen months, I haven’t heard so much as a cough. I should be thankful, but you have to know that this is odd, coming from parents like J and me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wishing that the girls will get sick. And I am thankful that I haven’t had to endure what some of my friends have. Sick kids are no fun, I get it. And if they are anything like a sick husband, I’ll want no part of it.

I anticipated that the girls would be sick often during their first year of life. They were born a few weeks early and into the beginnings of a Michigan cold spell. Michigan isn’t kind to even its youngest residents in the winter time. It is bitter and it is brutal. And if what I heard was true, from the “lactation consultants” that I had the joy of speaking with during my twenty-four hour magnesium-sulfate treatment following delivery, wherein I was bedridden and incoherent and in a morphine induced nod, I would single-handedly be responsible for my children’s underdeveloped immune system if I could not find a way to produce the wonder drug that is breastmilk.[1] Guess what ladies? Wrong!

When I first met J, we were both sick often. My list included bronchitis, sinusitis, migraines, flus, colds (summer and otherwise). His wasn’t much different, except replace bronchitis with chronic ear infections and take out migraines and replace with vertigo. He was actually taken to the hospital once for the flu. I’ve gotten healthier over the years, and he has too. But given our history, we were armed like soldiers ready for battle. During every weather change, we’d double check nostrils and feel foreheads. Now though, I’m all cocky. Eh, you got a cold? Go ahead, sneeze on her. She won’t get it! See! Kleenex, be damned!

Listen, we’re not careless or anything. I’m not ready to R.S.V.P. for the next Chicken Pox Party and I do carry around a little bottle of Sweet Pea antibacterial hand gel in every diaper bag (yes, I have a few). I’m not asking for trouble people! Really! I’m thankful and all of that.

And I know that this won’t last forever. I know that they aren’t invincible and that one of these days, they’ll catch a cold and I’ll be nursing them back to health. Just please, don’t let it be both of them at the same time. And for God’s sake, please don’t let J catch it too. Because you and I both know that he’ll throw them under the bus for a hot cup of soup, a spot on the couch, the remote control and my undivided attention.

So…who is placing bets on if one of us will catch a cold within the next few weeks? I’m in.

[1] I am in no way negating the scientific fact that breast milk is, in fact, the optimal choice of mothers for feeding their children. What I am doing is calling out the Nazi-like “consultants” that I had the pleasure of being accosted by while I was helpless and medicated and recovering from major surgery.

2006-10-21T00:02:00.000-04:00

WINNER OF THE MOTHER OF THE WEEK AWARD: Not Momma Bean who, after attempting to tame HRP's cowlick with a wet comb, baby lotion and a licked hand, seriously contemplated her chances with a flat iron.

2006-10-15T16:22:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday J. You had a great one, didn't you? Chinese food, chocolate cake, work out equipment, Maxim Magazine and your Beans. And to top it all off, your favorite player sent your favorite team to the World Series. That was a gift to me, to see you jump up and down with the players, like a little boy. It can't get any better. Love love love love love...

2006-10-14T15:40:00.000-04:00

Before I became Momma Bean, I became a mommy to Maximus Decimus Meridius. You were our first endeavor into parenthood five years ago and what a wonderful success. Happy fifth birthday my Poo, my sweet boy. I can't imagine my life without you by my side.

2006-10-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

Go Tigers!

2006-10-12T16:32:00.000-04:00

I can't wait for Girly Movie Night. Already, A is showing signs of good taste. Here's what else we'll watch:

Pretty in Pink
My Best Friend's Wedding
Grease
The Notebook
Father of the Bride
Pretty Woman
Dirty Dancing
Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Sleepless in Seattle
Gone With the Wind
An Officer and a Gentleman
Beaches
Say Anything
You've Got Mail
Steel Magnolias

I better stock up on Kleenex and chocolate.

2006-10-10T16:48:00.000-04:00

Do you remember when you used to make mixed tapes? For your best friend's birthday? Your trip to Cedar Point with the gang? For the boy that you had a crush on for three years but never got the nerve to talk to? Of the songs that would remind you of your days in high school as you made the hour and a half trek up to college?

It was an imperfect science, the making of that tape. What would only take minutes today to download and burn onto your blank CD used to take days, maybe weeks of painstakingly finding and recording the songs onto your portable tape player. I remember one time when I waited for days to hear a particular song on the radio so that I could record it for my current mixed tape. And I remember cursing the DJ who had the nerve to talk over the closing notes.

And when you were done and had every song neatly written on a sheet of paper (with a not so brief summary of why you chose that song) and the paper folded just so, in an origami inspired rectangle, you beamed with pride and hoped that the recipient of this mixed tape would appreciate the work that you put into the tape.

With that in mind, I give you my mixed tape for the Beans. And, I tag you to make a "mixed tape" for your special someone (be it toddler, s/o or canine).

1. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dione

This is the song that was playing on the CD player on January 13, 2005, when I first saw the specks of black inside of me that looked tellingly like two little beans floating around in space.

2. Heaven - Warrant

What can I say, except that I love hair bands! And that I sang this to you often while you were wobbling around inside. Sure, it's not Chopin or Bach, but it's got some redeeming qualities right?

3. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper

This song actually reminds me of my sisters. Until you have your own song for each other, I will let you borrow ours.

4. Home - Michael Buble

I listened to this song over and over again while I was stranded in the hospital for weeks in pre-term labor. There was one night in the hospital that I literally did not sleep and I thought that I was losing my mind. This song soothed me when no one else was around. The song speaks for itself.

5. Seven - Norah Jones

Have you heard of this song? If not, I recommend that you do. It's...sweet. This is another that I used to sing aloud while I was pregnant. Before I knew what A would look like, I imagined that the girl that is sung about in this song looked exactly like A. What do you think?

6. SexyBack - Justin Timberlake

Not really a song that a mother would choose for her bean, but it's the song that Her Royal Pieness first loved and danced her little heart out to whenever she heard it. Even after it's been played one too many times on the radio, I'll play it loud and watch her smile and start her wild dancing. It makes my day.

7. Elmo's World - Elmo

I'm convinced that Elmo is the Jim Jones of the toddler world. Elmo makes everything better. Just believe in Elmo. La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la! Elmo's World!

8. You and Me - Lifehouse

Another song that speaks for itself. This is cheating, I know, but what more can I say? Whatever it is, it won't be as eloquent or have such a catchy tune!

9. One - U2

I just included this one because it is my favorite song of all time. And seemed appropriate here.

10. Beautiful - James Blunt

Aside from the f-bomb (did I just say that?) being dropped in the middle of the song, I play this for you on our way home from G&G's house to lull you to sleep. Inevitably, one of you falls asleep and one of you graciously listens to my caterwauling. Except, when that word comes on, then I say something like, "oops!" or "close your ears!" or something else completely insane and motherly. But then, after I say it, I smile and think about how this is just more proof that I am a Momma Bean and you are my beautiful legumes!

2006-10-09T07:52:00.000-04:00

My sisters out-of-state will be furious when I say this: I'm done with cider mills! G&G and I took the girls on Sunday to our local and most popular cider mill for a little cider and doughnuts and some farm animals. As the year have gone by, it has gotten busier and busier at this particular cider mill, growing from just a little farm with a bakery and shop to a full blown commercialized zoo (not an actual zoo...the other definition of a zoo) , equiped with corn maze, petting farm, hay rides and ridiculous prices. The lines to every concession stand and to the actual cider mill went on forever and was well more than a half hour long. I waited in line for almost half an hour to get M something to drink, as she was having a minor meltdown, and I had to come back empty-handed, after wrestling with whether or not she'd be better off out of this place or having her thirst quenched.

M had several minor meltdowns that day, beginning with lunch with the grandparents at Champps and ending with a trip to Target to spend Momma Bean's birthday gift certificate. She's not big on crowds or people looking at her or being confined, plus she was working on a half hour nap. For a bean who will sleep 16 hours a night if you let her, this was not a good thing. I thought that Target would cheer her up, as it always makes her erupt in delightful oohs and ahhs, but she wasn't having any of it yesterday. Not even the annoying singing Cookie Monster stocking could garner a smile from that bean.

A Squared, on the other hand, loved it. What could be better than even more people looking at you and telling you how cute you are? I have a feeling that, if she could talk, she'd respond to everyone's compliments with a resounding, "I know!" (think Monica Gellar...or Momma Bean...) She loved the doughnuts (M did not) and got such a kick out of the petting farm that she didn't seem to want to leave.

Anyway, though I swore to the heavens that I wouldn't return, we'll be back this weekend with Daddy. We also have a date with Miss E. when she returns from her European honeymoon to partake in a little cider and doughnuts with her. Hopefully by then, M will warm up to the idea and everyone else in Michigan will find something else to do!

2006-10-07T21:13:00.000-04:00

Happy Third Birthday A&A!

We love you!

xoxo

The Beans

2006-10-07T11:14:00.000-04:00

“Saturday night’s alright…”

1996

Stumble to bed at around 4:00 a.m. Saturday morning.
Wake up at around 6:00 a.m. to be to work by 6:30 a.m.
End shift and leave work at 9:30 a.m. and get back into bed until 11:00.
Tailgating from 11:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Never make it to a game once.
Raid the sorority house kitchen for some Ramen Noodles or leftovers.
Nap until 7:00 p.m.
Dinner
Get gussied up and begin pre-party party in our rooms at the house.
Leave for frat party at 10:00 p.m. Kiss a boy. Dance on a table.
Stumble to bed at around 4:00 a.m. Sunday morning.
Repeat.

2001

Wake up by the sunlight streaming into the windows, check the clock, notice it is 9:00 a.m.
Roll over, kiss new husband, snuggle closer and go back to sleep.
Wake up again at 11:00 a.m. Shower and get pretty for new husband.
Late breakfast/early lunch at Koney. He gets a Hani and I get breakfast.
Go to the mall for a cute new outfit. Have a late lunch.
Go home and nap until 6:00 p.m.
Get pretty again for new husband and go out for dinner and drinks with J&A, and maybe a movie or more drinks later.
Crawl into bed at around 1:00 a.m.
Repeat.

2006

Wake up by the sound of A chatting to Duckie about her dream last night, check the alarm clock, notice it is 6:00 a.m.
Lay perfectly still, pretend to be sleeping as husband stirs in his sleep.
Fall back to sleep.
Wake up by the sound of A yelling into the monitor, the content of which translates to say, “I know you can hear me, so wake up and let’s start my day!” Check alarm clock, notice it is 7:00 a.m.
Lay perfectly still as husband stirs and awakens. Pretend you don’t feel him nudging you. Smile as he gets up to get the Bean.
Hug the Bean, snuggle with her under the covers, try unsuccessfully to coax her back to sleep.
Avoid disaster no less than three times as the Bean attempts to lunge over the side of the bed while attacking the dogs. Drag self out of bed at 8:00 a.m.
Spend next ten minutes convincing M that it is breakfast time and that she can’t sleep her life away. Receive grunts and angry glares.
Breakfast and playtime.
Naptime for Beans, chore time for Momma Bean.
Lunch and then off to Costco/Target/Lakeside. No shower needed. Barely any make-up required.
Attend a child’s birthday party, visit grandparents and pick up carry-out and a movie.
Dinner at 6:00 p.m. then playtime.
Bathtime and bedtime at 8:00 p.m., then into my jammies the minute their heads hit their crib.
Claim best spot on couch, snuggle under blanket, and watch ¾ of the movie. Fall asleep.
Wake up, blearily check the clock, notice it is 11:00 p.m. Trudge upstairs to bed.
Repeat.

Life is good.

2006-10-06T09:31:00.000-04:00

I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU!

The other day my mother informed me that A will not nap now unless she is rocked. She followed that up by announcing that she had purchased another package of pacifiers, because she always lost the ones J would send with the girls. I had bitten my tongue before when my dad mentioned purchasing them, but this time I let her have it. Mom replied calmly that they could give up the pipe when they were potty-trained. What?!?!?!?

I told her that I had wanted to get rid of the pipes, as we so affectionately called them, at 1 year old, but had been coaxed by J into only letting them have it for bedtime and naptime. I reluctantly agreed and grimaced whenever I noticed that he or anyone else watching them would give them to the girls any other time. This morning, as soon as the girls were out of bed, I popped the pipes right out of their mouths, as I always do. I was met with a few angry cries, the loudest of which was coming from my husband. But quickly, the girls became preoccupied with something else and the only one left protesting was J.

It’s not that I have a big thing against babies/toddlers using pacifiers. I was in the beginning and was furious to discover that J had given our month old babies their first pacifier. But, as a mother of twins, I know all too well that sometimes you just need a break. A little distraction, a moment of peace, and you’ll do whatever you can to get that. Just a second of it. Whether it’s turning on Sesame Street or popping the pipe, I am guilty of it too. I just didn’t want my girls to develop the habit. I didn’t want them to become dependent on it. I didn’t want them to be three years old, in pre-school and walking around the mall with it in their mouths (a sight that I see quite often at our local mall.)

I’m quitting the bottles too, though that’s been much easier and I’m not quite as vigilant about the subject. I started the girls on sippy cups early and they took to the cups fairly easily. J recently wanted to buy more bottles as ours are a year old and beginning to leak. I nixed the idea. Now, the cups and the bottles are interchangeable for us and the girls really only get a bottle at bedtime and sometimes they don’t even get that. At my house. Elsewhere (Mother!!!) it’s another story. I’m sort of okay with this because they’re deriving nutrition from their bottles (and nothing from their pipes.) And a bottle isn’t a quick fix like the pipe is, for both toddler and caregiver. So this is a battle I’m only half-heartedly waging, because I see that victory is in sight.

Next, it’s potty-training. I’m starting at eighteen months, the age I was when I was potty-trained. They’re getting little potties for Christmas from Santa (shhh…don’t tell them) and it’s mostly so that they can get used to them and play with them while I’m in the bathroom. (Momma Bean in bathroom = door open = Beans in the bathroom.) I’m sure there will be inconsistencies there and that I will do battle with a couple of people, but I’m prepared.

I guess I don’t fight it too much because I know that it must be hard for them. The grandparents. They are doing such a tremendous favor for us by watching the girls while we’re at work and being such wonderful and doting grandparents. And because I’ve been told, under no uncertain terms, that they are grandparents and they will not be the disciplinarians that they were for their children and that they’re only responsibilities now are to love and spoil the girls. What more could I ask for?

This: if, by the time the girls are five years old, I’m still finding bottles and pipes lying around the houses, it’s ON!

2006-09-30T21:36:00.000-04:00

One Year Portraits

The photo session was a bit of a fiasco. M wouldn't let me out of her grasp and, in fact, I'm in every photo that was taken of her. Unfortunately, because we were busy trying to figure a way to get M to calm down, we didn't get any of both of them together and only three of A on her own. By the end of the shoot, J, M and A had had enough and there was no way that I was going to be able to convince them to stick it out a little longer. The photos that we did get can be viewed here and, despite the drama, they did turn out quite exceptional, don't you think?

2006-09-27T09:19:00.000-04:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program....

To let you know that I, Momma Bean, am addicted to Grey's Anatomy.

I know, I know, this seems unrelated in any way, shape or form to the Beans, but really it is. You see, I watched Season 1 on DVD while I was on maternity leave. By the time that I got around to loving it, Season 2 was five episodes deep. I tried accumulating all of them on my DVR, but as the weeks passed and my available hours dwindled, I found that I would never get all of them in time for Season 3. So, it was killing me for September 12th to get here.

Finally it did and I'm now on Episode 6 of Season 2. **Love it. Love it. But, I've gotta say...and this is going to get much hate from a lot of you out there that I know and love...I just can't get into McDreamy!

I'm sorry! I just can't get past the thought that he was Ronald Miller and Cindy paid him to date her and that he dumped his nerdy friends for a shot at being one of the "in crowd" when clearly he was still the same dork riding around in his lawn mower that he was before the dance! I can't do it! Whenever Dr. McDreamy is giving Meredith the eyes, I giggle to myself. Instead, I choose Dr. Burke. Yes, he's a bit arrogant and career driven. But when he crawled into Christina's hospital bed and held her as she cried, my heart melted! Maybe I'll be proven wrong as the season progresses, but this is where I stand. Go ahead, hate me.

So...back to the beans. Yes, that's it. Well, you see, in order for me to free up my evening so that I can immerse myself into G.A. I must do my chores when I get home from work. That means, Sesame Street. Bad Momma, right? Wrong! I challenge anyone out there that doesn't believe in letting their child watch a little television to prove me wrong! It's a win-win situation! I get the dishes done, the laundry washed and the dinner started and the beans get Elmo looking at books, the Count..well, counting and more versions of the ABC song than I could have ever imagined. Cookie Monster shows you how to put cookies in and out of the cookie jar and I put the dishes in and out of the dishwasher. See! It's real life here people, my beans are learning something!

And don't think that I leave my beans unattended while I'm running up and down the stairs with laundry. I've got two perfectly capable Shih Tzus on bean patrol. And when I'm done, when the food is in the oven (or the husband has been called to pick up a pizza), that's my time to grab a book (lately it's the Cookie Monster book....there again! More evidence! Cookie Monster = reading!) and wait for the girls to crawl into my lap and turn the pages as I begin the story. I can relax knowing that everything is done for the day and as soon as the girls are snoring peacefully in their nursery, J and I are on the couch, cold dinner in hand and G.A. on the television. Sigh. It's wonderful.

**Any mention of Season 3 on this site or in any conversation that you may have with me before I complete Season 2 ~~will~~ may result in a painful death for the offender.

2006-09-26T09:57:00.000-04:00

Well, I survived my first 24 hours away from the Beans. Are you shocked that I was nervous about this?

Everyone said, “Go, have fun! Get romantical with your boy!” and assured me that they would not miss me, wouldn’t keep G&G awake pining for me, would not get lost, kidnapped, stolen, etc.

I am ashamed to say that I didn’t have time to miss them. I wanted to spend the morning with them having Cheerios and watching Sesame Street, but ever the procrastinator, I still had to pack, run to the ATM and find some Static Guard and Kleenex before 8:00 a.m. By the time I settled on the floor, amidst the Mega Bloks and pulled off socks, the doorbell was ringing. I quickly kissed them on the cheeks, ran through the schedule with J and was out the door before I could take one last look.

The whole day was a flurry of activity. Between getting beautified, getting to the golf course and making sure that the bride had everything she needed, I didn’t think twice about the girls. Yes, I shared a couple of anecdotes and showed off a photo or two, but I didn’t sit and dwell and long for them like I do everyday while I am at work. J only called me eleven a couple of times. They were fine. They didn’t need me.

The wedding was beautiful and just as I had imagined. The bride was radiant and I have never seen the groom happier. I make it a point, during weddings, to watch the groom while everyone else is watching the bride walk down the aisle. To see his reaction when he first glimpses the bride. There is something so pure and joyful in that initial response…when he catches his breath, when his eyes brim with tears that he didn’t expect and when he cracks the smile that is only for his bride. I live for that moment in every wedding ceremony. And this one was just as rewarding.

The reception afterwards was grand. I reconnected with my old cohorts and even J loosened up a bit and had four, count them, FOUR glasses of beer. That nutball! Still, no pangs. At one point in the evening, I was accosted by five little girls, all decked out in their best pink party dresses. I was feeling spiffy after more than three glasses of wine, so I proposed to the ladies that we spin in our dresses. What good is a pink party dress if you don’t twirl in it? They obliged and I’m sure that we looked darling and that I was the only one wobbling away from that circle. While we were dancing, J pointed out one of my new little pink friends and said that she reminded him of A and that he couldn’t wait to see them again. I immediately felt guilty because, while I was off being a bridesmaid, J was being the daddy who was missing his beans.

We woke up at 7:30 a.m. the next morning and giggled to each other. The girls were probably up and lively for my parents. Hah! They had to make heads or tails of a diaper while bleary eyed and without caffeine, while we were snuggled warm in bed! Didn’t miss that! We promptly dozed for another two hours.

At around 9:30 a.m. I awoke with a start. I fumbled with the blankets, stretched with a bit of exaggeration, but J wouldn’t budge. I flipped over, “accidentally” kicked him and coughed. Nothing. Finally, I sat up.

“Let’s get the girls.”
Mumble, mumble. I nudge him again.
“Let’s go!”
“Go back to sleep. They’re fine.”
“C’mon! We can call my parents and tell them to meet us for breakfast.”

I was starting to panic. I couldn’t get to them fast enough. I called my mom to make the arrangements. I pushed, shoved, threw J out the door. I had to get to them.

The drive to my parents’ house felt like it took hours. I jumped out of the car before J could get to a complete stop. When I walked in, M was sitting in the living room watching her beloved Sesame Street. She looked over at me for not more than five seconds and returned to her program.

A was upstairs with my mom. She wasn’t interested in my arrival either.

Apparently they didn’t miss me either!

2006-09-25T18:08:00.000-04:00

They say that some addictions are genetic...

2006-09-23T11:35:00.000-04:00

How's this for a birthday gift: M walks! On the night of my birthday, after a fiasco of a birthday dinner at Abuelo's, M made it up to me by walking! We were sitting on the floor, recovering from her recent illness (think prunes people), and I asked her to get me the Cookie Monster book. She took one look at it, stood from my lap and began walking towards it. When she got to it, she bent down to pick it up and we erupted in applause! Since then, she's been practicing her new moves, doing something halfway between a wobble and a leap, and slowly gaining confidence in her skills. Thanks to Her Royal Pieness, for a wonderful birthday surprise!

2006-09-22T09:31:00.000-04:00

Erin & Andrew

September 22, 2006

May God be with you and bless you May you see your children's children May you be poor in misfortunes,Rich in blessings May you know nothing but happiness From this day forward

2006-09-19T19:39:00.000-04:00

While I am away enjoying the wedding festivities and our FIRST NIGHT AWAY FROM THE BEANS, I've attached the following for your viewing pleasure: Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing Please ignore the obnoxious narrartor/coach and just enjoy M saying "Wow," proving that I'm not a liar, and the girls in their usual fight. Except, instead of Duckie and Cookie M., this time, Froggie gets the brunt of the brawl. By the way, like the originality in our naming of the stuffies??

2006-09-18T17:27:00.000-04:00

Momma Bean Public Service Announcement of the Week:

It's all right to find different ways to use your baby products. I've used baby shampoo for shaving my legs and those little baby hangers are perfect for my camisole collection. But there are some things that just won't work.

Contrary to popular belief, Anbesol does not, in fact, make eye-brow tweezing any less painful. It can, however, make your face smell like bubble-gum flavored Bubbalicious, if you put just the right amount on.

Instead, may I suggest a bottle of wine?

2006-09-17T10:13:00.000-04:00

Congratulations M&K!

2006-09-17T10:12:00.000-04:00

Introducing Eli James, born September 16, 2006

2006-09-16T09:38:00.000-04:00

WINNER OF THE MOTHER OF THE WEEK AWARD NOT Momma Bean who, whilst gazing longingly at the new fall Carter's collection at her local BRU, failed to notice that her eldest Bean was standing upright in the seat of her shopping cart, facing backwards, with the "safety" straps wrapped firmly around her little feet, and doing this for her little sister (who, by the way, was safely in the arms of the clueless Momma Bean).

2006-09-14T22:05:00.000-04:00

"You're... you're crazy man. I like you, but you're crazy. "

2006-09-14T08:10:00.000-04:00

TO MY DEAR AND LOVING HUSBAND by: Anne Bradstreet (c.1612-1672) F ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee. If ever wife was happy in a man, Compare with me, ye women, if you can. I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold Or all the riches that the East doth hold. My love is such that Rivers cannot quench, Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence. Thy love is such I can no way repay. The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray. Then while we live, in love let's so persever That when we live no more, we may live ever. Five years ago, we were married on a glorious day. In those five years, we have become pet owners and homeowners. We have endured three job changes, a shocking and still painful death in the family, the marriages of several of our closest friends and family, and the divorce of others. We have suffered the loss of our sisters as they moved to opposite ends of the country. We have witnessed the lives of our loved ones changed forever with the birth of their children. And we have been blessed with the birth of ours. In those five years, we have grown as individuals and as a couple. In those five years, I have learned more about myself and us as a team. In those five years, I have reflected daily upon my luck that you are mine. That we had found each other. That you love me. You are my best friend. The father of the joy of my life. My anchor, my biggest fan, my other half. If the girls are my joy, then you are my life. I love you with every bit of myself and I thank you for five wonderful years. Happy anniversary.

2006-09-14T07:28:00.000-04:00

Wherein the doctor replied, "You're fat."

On Tuesday, I took the girls for their 12 month appointment. I knew that it was going to be a rough one, since they were to get four shots each, so I brought along Auntie K. to help me with the writhing, screaming beans that I knew would emerge from the sweet little things. Sure enough, as soon as A Squared was placed upon the scale, the hollering began. I was still in the waiting room with HRP, but when she heard her sister's wails, she dropped her Blue, clenched my arm fiercely and peered warily over my shoulder into the hallway where her sister was being tortured.

A measured in at 16 lbs. 8 oz. That is only five ounces more than she weighed at 9 months. She has now dropped from the 5th percentile to the 3rd. She was measured at 28 1/2 inches, but the doctor admitted that she was squirming and when I measured again later, she was 27 1/2 inches - 25th percentile - she was on pace. Her head circumference was in the 50th percentile, but that didn't surprise me at all, as I'm known for my incredibly large cranium. The shots were devastating, but even more so because our doctor has us place the girls on their backs on the examining table and hold their arms down as she administers the shots. What is so upsetting about this is that my little bean is staring right into my eyes during the whole procedure and I am watching her as her eyes widen in pain and the tears spring from her eyes. All she knows is that I am looking at her and holding her down while someone is injuring her and I am doing NOTHING about it. It's quite miserable.

Do any other doctors have this sort of procedure for your babies' immunization?

Next up was Her Royal Pieness. Already in a tizzy from listening to her sister, M began her sobbing immediately upon entry of the examination room. Her measurements: 17 lbs. 2 oz. (3%) and 28 1/2 in. (25%). And yes, yes, she has a big head too. She didn't fare as well with the shots as A did, which only means that she screamed even louder and longer.

After examining the girls and asking the standard questions, my doctor had only one concern - the girls' weights. I emphasized how much the girls loved food and ate a lot, in my opinion, and I informed her that we had begun feeding the girls whole milk. She peppered me with additional questions about their diet and instructed me to replace their juice/water combination with even more milk to add calories. Then she asked me what J looked like. At this point, I was unsure what she was getting at. I told her that he was about 6'1" 1/2 and had a slender to normal build.

"Ohhhh...that must be it," she said, nodding her head.

"You see, I may have been a little more concerned, but now it seems that they are just small children...they are taking after their father and have great metabolisms!"

Blink.

Um...

Insert awkward silence.

Where, I wanted to say, "Oh, thank God they don't have my metabolism! I mean, who'd want to be destined to resemble an overgrown Weeble Wobble?" or, "No, really. I do have a great metabolism too! I'm just short and you can't tell! If I was about six inches taller, I'd have a smoking body!" instead, I graciously responded with a smile, "Yes, they must have gotten that from their father."

That night, I pulled out my yoga DVD's. And...doing yoga with two toddlers clinging to you...well that's a story for another day.

2006-09-13T09:32:00.000-04:00

OH BABY! News from my two BFFs....there's something in the water! M is preggo with her THIRD baby in three years....you know, the one with the minivan (hehehehehehe)...Well, I guess she'll really need it now! I couldn't be happier. Miss E. just discovered that she is the aunt to a precious little BOY!! Congratulations to both families. These children could not ask for two better women in their lives. They are simply amazing and I am lucky to have them in mine.

2006-09-12T17:39:00.000-04:00

What happens when Momma Bean throws a huge birthday bash,

plans a birthday day trip and

participates in a bachelorette party all in one week.

NO laundry. Sorry girls. Love the socks. Go State.

2006-09-11T08:16:00.000-04:00

We shall never forget

We shall keep this day

We shall keep the events and the tears

In our minds, our memory and our hearts

And take them with us as we carry on.

2006-09-10T20:57:00.000-04:00

Toddlers in the hiz-ouse!

2006-09-10T20:06:00.000-04:00

She's got teeth!

2006-09-08T23:37:00.000-04:00

It was a great party. The girls were spoiled by wonderful family and friends. Aunt Deb made their cakes (A's was the eggless one) and it took them a few minutes to warm up to the idea, but soon enough, they were digging away. As far as the gifts were concerned, they weren't interested in opening one. In fact, I think that was the worst part of the day for the girls. They didn't get the hang of it and became frustrated quickly. I thought that they might get a kick out of tearing the paper, but I ended up doing most of the tearing.

M was a bit anxious about all of the people around her and seemed a bit tense throughout the day. After everyone left though, and it was just her, her sister and the boys, she dived right into the new toys with gusto. Here are more photos of the day's festivities.

Today, their actual "birthdate", J and I played hooky from work and took the Beans on a daytrip to Frankenmuth, Michigan. We had lunch at Zendher's, did a little shopping at The Riverwalk and Birch Run and the girls fell in love with Bronner's. We topped it off with dinner at Uno's before we drove home, exhausted from our day. I hope the girls enjoyed themselves for their first birthday...we couldn't get enough of them, as they were in rare form. It was almost as if they knew it was their day, because they flirted with and entertained everyone who stopped to see them.

2006-09-08T09:10:00.000-04:00

2006-09-04T19:03:00.000-04:00

The aftermath....The party was a success and the four of us spent a relaxing afternoon playing with their new toys. Well, relaxing if you don't count J's fit while assembling the wagon. Of course, he goes into a rage assembling anything, even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. More to come...stay tuned.

2006-09-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing The girls love JT, what can I say? Here's A Squared. She's always been a bit more...demure...than her big sister. I guess it goes for dancing too. Sorry for the lighting!

2006-08-31T07:31:00.000-04:00

Are these really my children? I did a pretty nice job, if I do say so myself. With a little help from Daddy Bean. And this artistic genius.

2006-08-29T19:52:00.000-04:00

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing

2006-08-29T18:14:00.000-04:00

Maggie and the Milk Goatee

2006-08-28T12:06:00.000-04:00

The Fair, The Photos and a Couple of Fledgling Fly Girls.

On Friday, Amanda S. invited the girls and I to the Bath City Festival with her and her twins A&J. I, in turn, invited Angie and her twins A&A along for the ride. And what a spectacle. Three women and three sets of twins. Get out of the way, or we’ll mow you over. I realize that we should have known that we’d draw attention to ourselves, and after almost a year of this, I am pretty much immune to the gawks and comments of others (which, for the most part are pleasant and kind, but occasionally I’ve received a shake of the head and a “You poor thing!” to which I’d like to reply, “Why, because I have two beautiful, well-behaved little girls and am enjoying myself out on the town with them? Or because I’m not you, you selfish, evil, mean-spirited troll?” but have as yet, never had the courage to do…), but I was more than a little surprised at all of the fanfare we received. I think we would have been at the Festival for half of the three hours we were there, had we not been a gaggle of M.O.M.s and their twins.

Anyway, we had a blast. M&A were able to see, up close and personal, some baby chicks, geese, a goat, a sheep, a cow and some bunnies. They were allowed to pet a little bunny and A came thisclose to poking out the eye of an unsuspecting little turtle. They loved every second of it, even though they didn’t get to participate in the moonwalk with A&A&J&A. Though I charged my camera the night before, I forgot to bring it on Friday (doh!) so I don’t have any photos to share…We’ll be back next year Mt. Clemens!

On Saturday, Daddy Bean had to work (again) and so we decided to take a trek over to Canton to have lunch with Stacy and Lori and then head over to the new Ikea store. Finally! I’ve been dying for Stacy to work her wonder on the girls and you can check out her breathtaking work here. While you’re there, look around, because her work is amazing.* Lori took some gorgeous photos too – I wish I could take pictures like these gals, I just don’t have the eye for it. Luckily for me, I know people who do.

Lunch was grand, but Ikea was another story. I’m not much of a catalog shopper. I’d rather go to the store, hold the product, try it on and check for any faults before I plunk down my money. Plus, I hate the idea of shipping and handling. Now, after suffering a near panic attack, I’m rethinking my position. Ikea has a lot of cool products and great prices, but there is no way that I am returning to that place where I was split seconds away from ditching the girls in the middle of that monstrosity and running madly towards the exit in an effort to escape my claustrophobia. It was insanity.

On Sunday, we relaxed. Rather, we buckled down on some new dance moves and filmed a sure-fire winner for America’s Funniest Home Videos. Reinforcing my ignorance and incapacity to handle a camera properly, I filmed the girls practicing their moves to their new favorite song, SexyBack, sideways. So, you’ll have to check back later, after Aunt Dada has corrected my mistake. It’s worth the wait though, to see “stir the pot” and others…

*Mention "mommabean" to get 5% off any order placed with Stacy.

2006-08-22T09:19:00.000-04:00

THE MOMMY BONE

My best friend from college gave me some disturbing news last night. I still don’t know if I can comprehend what I was told.

M was always going to be a mother. She wanted a brood of children around her. As the second of four and the member of an extremely large close-nit family in western Michigan, family is very important to her. Just like she knew she was going to become a teacher, she knew that she would have several children. So, it came as no shock to me that she became pregnant on her honeymoon.

When we would have our monthly phone sessions, after the baby was born, I would feel myself wondering who this woman was. Our main topic of conversation was the latest feat of the newborn and how uncomfortable her old clothes were. I still considered myself a newlywed and years away from that foreign place called Mommydom. I didn’t know what she was talking about. I couldn’t find the woman I used to know. Gone were cocktails and parties and here were bottles and Winnie the Pooh. I laughed at the anecdotes and congratulated the achievements, but I, like many other childless women I’m sure, almost felt a sort of pity for M, who was so consumed with this little person that she failed to ask me about my trip to Vegas or see the joy in my new purchase. I winced at the thought of the spit up, the diapers, the “mom” clothes and the extra laundry. I resented the idea of giving up my time, money, my husband and my freedom. I was not cut out to be a mom. I didn’t know how to talk to children and had an intense dislike for sticky hands and booger filled noses. There wasn’t a motherly bone in my body. Some women just have it. I didn’t.

Then, overnight (literally), something changed inside of me. I began to notice the softness of a baby and longed to smell their delicately perfumed skin. My arms ached to hold one and I began to see that the traits that I admired in J were the ingredients that would make the perfect father. I hoped for a baby, cried for a baby. I desperately wanted to be pregnant.

One day in June 2004, I received a call from M. She was pregnant again. She and her husband had decided to try again in May and it took less time than she had imagined. She quickly topped that news with another story about her little boy. I smiled this time, because I could imagine how important these stories were for her and I couldn’t wait to be able to give her a story of my own. I was able to do so in February 2005. I was pregnant! I was thrilled, excited, relieved and terrified. Terrified, because that motherly bone I previously spoke of, hadn’t yet made its appearance. I waited for it for seven long months and though occasionally I would get a fleeting sense of being mommy-like, for the most part, I continued to be disgusted at the thought of poopy diapers and dried spit up on my favorite shirt. I still didn’t know how to talk to a child and I didn’t get the hang of playing the right way. But I was about to become a MOM and there was no going back. (And believe me, I thought about it…mainly during the TLC and Discovery shows about childbirth and labor).

Now, almost a year later, I admit that I have lost a bit of my time, money, my husband and my freedom. I’m not quite as fashionable as I once was (if I ever was) and I’d rather spend my evenings on the couch under a blanket than in a bar with a drink. I can roll on the floor with the best of them and I can change the poopiest of poopy diapers in three minutes flat. I still have a dislike for sticky fingers and spitting up on my cutest top is not the way to win points with me. So, I guess I did have that bone after all. It's just a little under developed!

Fast forward to yesterday evening. M was discussing G&G’s latest adventure. Except this time, I had a story or two of my own. About teething and walking and new words like “Dog!” And now, I hear the fatigue in her voice and I sense a satisfied weariness about her. She’s not a perfect mom, but she’s a happy mom and a wonderful mom. I’ve learned so much from her while watching her raise her beautiful boys. She’s been a great teacher. She’s now pondering when she’ll get pregnant with her third child and whether or not she’ll stop at four or five. This, coming from a woman who wanted six. Which leads us to her shocking revelation.

She bought a mini-van.

A mini-van.

Okay, people, I know I just spent the past few paragraphs explaining how I’ve turned over a new leaf and that I’m such a happy mommy, blah blah blah. But listen. I. Am. Not. Driving. A. Minivan.

I refuse.

I won’t do it.

I definitely don’t have THAT bone.

I actually laughed at her when she told me and asked her if she was serious. While she was explaining all of the fascinating features, I giggled to myself and shook my head. No ah ah. I won’t be caught dead in one. When she reminded me that if I was planning on having another baby within the next few years, I’d probably have no choice, I indignantly stated that I would find a way.

There is a way, right?

Anyone?

Well, I’ve got a couple years to worry about this. Check back then.

2006-08-20T16:43:00.000-04:00

Things that happened this weekend at the Bean Household

1. Momma Bean received JN's business cards and they're so PERFECT and she highly recommends them and is desperately waiting for JN to meet the Beans and decide on them as her next subject.

2. A's first tooth is emerging and her second has just made it's appearance. So far, M remains gummily addorable.

3. The Beans spotted G&G at the Tigers game on TV Saturday evening.

4. Momma Bean finally got her laptop. With no A/C adapter. Strike Two, Dell.

5. The Beans took a hike on a nature trail and met several ducks and a psychotic squirrel. Which greatly amused them and their Momma, but irritated Daddy. Wha??? Squirrels like Goldfish Crackers!

6. J had the whole weekend off and realized that being Momma Bean is a lot more difficult than he thought.

7. MB took some photos, at Miss E's request, including the one above, and realized that she is in dire need of professional intervention (See #1). But don't they just look sweet?

8. MB met another M.O.M. to be and missed the kicks and wiggles immensely.

8a. As such, MB made a decision to not sell any more Bean equipment or clothing, with the firm support of Daddy Bean.*

Things that did not happen this weekend at the Bean household.

1. Household chores and cleaning.

*Don't get too excited my peeps, as this endeavor will not be undertaken for at least another one to two years!

2006-08-18T12:04:00.000-04:00

Clue that you are a hairbrained flustered mother of almost-one-year-old twins existing on five hours of sleep, half a cup off coffee and some yogurt and were 15 minutes late to work today:

You don't realize until almost noon that the cute fitted white polo that you've been sporting today is INSIDE OUT.

2006-08-16T22:04:00.000-04:00

This is the only time HRP sat still all day today.

2006-08-14T20:54:00.000-04:00

We're feeling a little nutty lately...

On Sunday, Aaron and Andrew pulled petunias out of Momma Bean's flower bed to give to us and today we've been bestowed with two beautiful bouquets of flowers from Peanut and Cashew. We're a couple of lucky beans! You see, we're being courted by these cutie pies and we're over the moon. They're tall dark and handsome just like Daddy and they sure do know how to woo a bean. To show our gratitude, we'd like to share our chocolates with you boys. Momma Bean won't let us have them (Grampa will..shhh!), but they sure are fun to play with. Thanks boys, you're the cat's meow!

2006-08-13T17:23:00.000-04:00

Yoga Enthusiast or Little Miss Cleo?

A has taken to performing downward facing dog on occasion. At first, we couldn't figure out what she was doing but then I remembered. PB, I dabbled in a little yoga here and there. I took classes and practiced at home. One day, I even coaxed J into participating in a power yoga session. He collapsed halfway through the DVD, while I held my position with a triumphant grin on my face. I even took a prenatal yoga class - which I highly recommend! So, soon enough, it dawned on me that my little bean was getting her yoga on! And she just won't stop! Whenever I round the corner, from the kitchen to the living room, there she is, stretching her hammies and sticking her little butt in the air.

I giggled at the spectacle until last Monday, when I arrived at my parents house. My mom, arms akimbo, promptly asked me if I had noticed Audie's new acrobatics. I said yes, but didn't bother to explain the yoga thing. She then asked me if I knew what the Thai superstition was about that. Now, throughout the years, I've been warned of touching an adult's head, getting my hair done on Monday, or wearing shoes in the house. So I could only imagine what Audrey's new exercise routine would mean.

According to Gramma M., when a baby does this move, it means that her mommy is going to give her a baby in the near future.

Cue the crickets.

Later that night, I told Jim what my mom had to say. After coughing up a bit of Diet Coke and scooting away from me on the couch, his reply was, "Make her stop."

A day later, Maggie began doing it too.

Those crazy Thais.

2006-08-11T10:01:00.002-04:00

I guess I'm IT.

*But I think Becki cheated too!

Five items in my freezer
1. Eggless waffles (for A)
2. Chicken Parmesan ravioli
3. Chicken breasts
4. Tropical Sorbet
5. Lean Pockets

Five items in the closet
1. Shoes
2. My Calvin Klein comforter that my sister bought me for THIRTY FIVE DOLLARS! (Which is a big thing, as it's normally $400!!!)
3. Purses
4. Hangers
5. Box of maternity clothes

Five items in the car
1. Jim's iPod
2. Bottled water empties
3. Peg (the stroller)
4. The printout of the laptop that should be arriving in a week! Yes!
5. Black flip flops from Ann Taylor Loft

Five items in my purse
1. My cellie
2. Receipt for the alterations
3. Jim's speeding ticket
4. Coupons to (1) VS; (2) Express; (3) B&BW; and (4) The Limited
5. My keys

People I tag: Jurgen Nation, Lori, BEE and all of my LURKERS!!!

2006-08-11T09:00:00.000-04:00

This is the real HRP. For you newbies, Her Royal Pie-ness (Maggie) was always pegged the shy one. And yes, she did have a bout with separation anxiety and stranger fear at around six months. To date, she continues to give any stranger who gets too close a wary look. But in our world, this is HRP. Audrey is the demure, dainty bean. She's a flirt, yes. And she loves to be the center of attention. But like a Southern belle, she works her charm just so, and before you know it, you're entangled in her web immediately. Mags, on the other hand (if you're lucky enough to be someone she knows and trusts), approaches life with a loud bang. She is full of energy, impatient and extremely independent. She is an easy laugh and will keep you running. She's got a wild look in her blue eyes most of the time and will do anything to make you crack a smile. She doesn't need an audience though, she can entertain herself (and her sister) for hours on end and not give you a second's glance. That's another thing. She's not very affectionate. She doesn't have time for it! Don't bother trying to get a kiss from her - something that A gives freely and gently as if she's kissing a feather - M will shoot you down and leave you feeling embarrassed and rejected. No hugs either. She'll cuddle on her terms only. Try to tie her down and she'll just wriggle out or throw her body back in an effort to escape. But my favorite times are when her shell cracks just a little bit every night and she crawls into my lap and just sits. She fits so perfectly and for the little time that she'll allow me, I smell her head and hold her and just enjoy the brief stillness. And then she's gone again.

2006-08-08T13:02:00.000-04:00

So, this is the last month of babyhood, I've been told. I'm not going to go into a long rambling of the year we've just had, or reminisce about the day you were born, I'll save that for next month, and for a day when I've got plenty of tissues nearby. But I've been facing the realization that you aren't babies anymore. And I'm in a state of denial. When discussing my needs with the Dell Computer Guy the other day, I advised him that my laptop would need to be able to support all of the 7,621 photos of my "newborn" babies. When advising the lingerie consultant that I needed one of those support undies for the wedding, my reasoning was that "I just had twins". Both of these individuals offered me words of congratulations and then asked how old you were. When I said that you were just about eleven months old, I distinctly noticed the crinkle in one of the salesperson's nose, as she immediately spotted my fudging of the truth to justify my less than stellar post-babIES body. (emphasis added). On the other hand, when I spot a newborn, I am immediately filled with a sense of longing for that unmistakable scent of a new baby. My arms ache to hold that helpless pile of softness and I get all misty-eyed and silly. Audrey, you'll let me cuddle, but now that you're crawling, you'd rather be following Big Sister around the kitchen. And Maggie, you're just about ready to go from standing to walking to running out the door and into the world. YOUR world. I thought I'd have until your teens, but you already act as if you don't have time for me now! So, I'm going to try to hang on to every minute of these last few days of babyhood. Too soon, you'll be toddlers, then tweens, then unrecognizable young women, but for now, you're still my babies.

2006-08-04T08:05:00.000-04:00

Oh, Momma Bean, you're too funny!! Tell me more!

You did NOT say that!

OMG...

I can't take you anywhere!

Oh well...I still love you...

2006-08-03T12:42:00.000-04:00

A helpful consumer tip from a M.O.M.

Diaper pails* are a waste of money. Mine is currently sitting in the corner of the nursery, where it's been since we moved in December. I can't for the life of me remember if we emptied it prior to moving...it was a hectic time. I was back to work and the girls were just learning that NIGHTTIME IS FOR SLEEPING.

The last time J attempted to empty it, the P.O.S. vomitted festering diapers everywhere, as we were unskilled in the ways of twisting and cutting. (Don't ask.) I thought about tossing it last night but the fear of what I'd find inside kept me from the chore. Maybe this weekend.

Anyway, Diaper thingy, you do NOT get this M.O.M.'s seal of approval.

While I'm at it.** Those childproof latches. They don't work. M&A were about to have a Dawn Liquid Soap cocktail yesterday while I was making dinner, before I discovered why they were being so pleasant and quiet. On my toes, as always, I whipped my ponytail holder out of my hair and secured it around the knobs. It being 439 degrees outside, I was pretty impressed with my generous gesture toward the Beans. Had I not cut my locks a few weeks ago, I might have thought twice about giving up the elastic.

*I'm not naming names, but if you know what TV show I was named after, you'll know what I'm talking about.

**I'm thinking this could grow into a regular thing....Consumer Reports by Momma2Beans? Stay tuned...

2006-08-02T09:29:00.000-04:00

Ch-Check it out.

My amazingly talented cousin Suzzette has struck again. I wanted something special for E's bridal shower to add to the gift that I had just purchased...I had been thinking about it and couldn't figure out something that would really mean something to her. Later that night, as I was putting the girls to bed, I looked at a wall in their nursery and I knew. I had to hire Suz to make me a shadowbox. She had made three for me as gifts and they are hanging in the girls' room, one for the two of them, which I will keep for myself, and one for each of them individually, announcing their birth. I'll have to grudgingly fork these over to them when they (gasp!) move out. They are beautiful and I look at them everyday. I know how much they meant to me and it's exactly what I was looking for, for E. Hopefully, hers is as special to her as ours are to me. Check out Suzzette's work and if you want to be as cool as me, you'll want to get in touch with her. Just drop me a line. Thanks Suz!

2006-08-02T08:32:00.000-04:00

Take Me Out To the Ballgame...

On July 23rd, the girls enjoyed their first Tigers game. Gramma and Grandpa M., Jack and the four of us watched the WS headed Detroit Tigers take on the Oakland A's and we had a ball. It was a gorgeous day and the girls were fabulous and were initiated in one of our favorite summer pasttimes. On the menu was a bunch of stuff: pretzels, cotton candy, snow cones, nachos. The girls loved it all! They watched the game a bit, but mostly spent their time people-watching. They got to see Paws up close and personal and made friends with the people around us. We had great seats, so we were able to pass them around a lot and make them as comfortable as possible. We stuck around until the ninth inning...the girls were tired and just starting to get fussy for a nap. I can't wait to continue this tradition! Go Tigers!

2006-07-31T09:32:00.000-04:00

Lessons learned.

This weekend, I had a project to do. Life has been hectic and I’ve been complaining about what I haven’t been able to accomplish. But a wonderful friend put it into perspective for me. Also, she posted about her recent encounter with her past and how life then compares to life now. And I’ve written and re-written a description of what she does in order to explain to you my new project, but my words just didn’t do the justice that hers did, which brought me to tears. So, I’ll just say, Becki, that I’ve taken several mental photos this weekend. I “photographed” a lot and I am trying so hard to keep them all fresh in my memory, but even two days later, I am having difficulty conjuring up the moments. I’ve tried to go back further to the fall, and the winter. To coming home for the first time and Christmas and just watching them breathe. It’s foggy and mostly, all I see are the goofy smiles that they wear now…But I’ll keep at it. I'll stop and close my eyes and remember every detail and keep that safe for someday later when they don't need me anymore. And I’ll play “Monster” when they ask. Thank you.

2006-07-20T18:11:00.000-04:00

Jack, HRP and Big Bird.

2006-07-20T08:15:00.000-04:00

Dancing Queen

2006-07-19T19:20:00.000-04:00

A Squared is feeling better after her little allergy attack at Haagan Daz. I think she was more concerned about the fact that she's now cut off from ice cream than she was about the hives that popped up all over her chin.

2006-07-13T22:03:00.000-04:00

BTB I had never really gone garage-saling. I had never been to a Mom-to-Mom sale, nor had I visited a resale shop. But recently, I had noticed that the girls were getting a little tired of their infant toys. Simultaneously, the garage sale season had arrived and I discovered a whole new way to shop! I've only purchased four toys for the girls, but this is my latest and best find. It looked brand new and perfect for a newly mobile bean. And what a steal! Problem is, there weren't two. Let the fighting begin.

2006-07-11T23:09:00.000-04:00

A preferred her buttered bread. That's my girl.

2006-07-11T23:08:00.000-04:00

The Pie loves her SpaghettiOs. Momma Bean does not.